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Creating your support system
Transcript:
Hello there. Welcome back as we answer one of the ask Anna questions on today’s podcast. This is a series when I answer your questions that have come in and the question today is why can’t I just do it alone? Why can’t I just go ahead and do it myself? And I’m being a little bit facetious and a little bit cheeky, because this is not actually a question I’ve received. I’ve made it up. No, I haven’t quite made it up, but the truth is I don’t get this question, but I probably should. And there are two reasons why I don’t get this [00:00:30] question. Why can’t I just do this alone? The first one is because clients who work with me get that they can’t do it alone, or they don’t want to do it alone. So they don’t ask that question because they know they can’t.
They Don to they’ve chosen to invest in me and other coaches and programmes in the past. They want the community, they want the mentors, the sounding board, et cetera, et cetera, that we’ll talk about today. Right? So either people get it and they know that they want to do it with somebody else or people who then don’t decide to book upon [00:01:00] clients, don’t even look for help. Don’t ask for help up, you know, either have a call and then go off and decide to do themselves or whatever. They aren’t gonna ask the question either because they just go, okay, you know what? I’ll just give it a go myself. I’ll just work on it for now myself and see how I get on. Now. Obviously in that case, in, in this particular example, I haven’t done my job in demonstrating the value of what I offer, or they’re not ready to be coached because they’re just a little bit, they haven’t made the decision yet.
Speaker 1: They haven’t made the commitment and they were kind of dabbling a little bit, but now they’ve [00:01:30] gone, oh, it’s too scary. I’m gonna pull back. And you know, now’s not the right time, perhaps, but that’s the reason I don’t get the question because either people get that they can’t do it or they don’t want to do it alone, or they don’t. In which case, you know, they believe that they can do it alone. So that’s simple. Um, that’s how simple it’s now. Okay. To answer the question that nobody’s asked me, why can’t I do this alone? The thing is we have blind spots, right? We’re human. The truth is we’re human. I know Shak, Cora. I can help other people. I can help others [00:02:00] so easily come up with an elevator picture headline for their website. In fact, work through the copy on their website.
Speaker 1: I can help to mirror back fears and insecurities. I can help to, you know, identify an unspoken truth. I can help people shine a light on things that they didn’t realise I can help. I can support a, I can guide. I can mirror. I can advise. I wear all sorts of different hats, right? Coach, mentor, [00:02:30] et cetera. I can do that for others. I can’t do it for myself. Now. I can do many things. And of course I know techniques to coach myself. And I think I’m op I know I’m operating at a much higher level now than I ever did. Pre-coaching pre all this development, the work I’ve done the last almost 10 years, but I still need help. I still need other people. I worked with a copywriter who helped me really nail the wording that I wanted. Obviously I’ve worked with a web design agency now to redo the website.
So graphic designer. Now these are real [00:03:00] experts who are good at certain concrete, tangible things. But I work with coaches, personal coaches, relationship coaches, business coaches. You know, these are people I know can and have helped me. And last week, in fact, I shared the, the personal fitness example, right? We’re human. However, a higher level we’re operating at. There’s always going to be new challenges. You know, I hear again, again, people say, oh my gosh, that’s what I tell clients. That’s what I coach clients on. And yet [00:03:30] they didn’t realise the importance, the insight for themselves until we had that conversation. The truth is with such complex beings, there are so many nuances and nothing about you. I’m quite an overthinker. I can overanalyze. It can be annoying for people I used to with my first boss, just kind of blur verbally kind of brainstorm, throw stuff out there, talk things out, think it out loud.
And then he’d be amazing at just going on the whiteboard. Okay. What you’re saying is 1, 2, 3. Yes. So that’s the person I need, right? Someone to take my vision and create [00:04:00] creativity and ideas and analysis, and then really narrow that down. Now that’s scary because I wanna keep options open. And I, I, I hate the idea of, of putting things into a box and pigeonholing myself and being too limiting. And so I’m sure many of you feel the same when, when multi passionate, we’ve got lots of ideas. We get FOMO. We don’t wanna miss out in so many things, but other people can see things we can’t see. They can see things so much more clearly they can elevate above and get the bird’s eye view [00:04:30] without getting every single little intricacy. And, and so, and of course we are the experts on ourselves, on our businesses, on our lives, relationships, careers, et cetera.
And yet other people, people can guide us, give us insights that we just cannot get ourselves.
And in fact, last week we were talking about what happens when you’re not taking action. And that’s another reason why we can’t do it alone because we haven’t, I hadn’t lost that weight. I hadn’t got into that regular exercise regime. I hadn’t [00:05:00] got to the shape and the size and, and whatever I wanted to do. Okay. I had two babies and so on and whatever, but for a long time, I’ve been sort of at a higher level than I probably wanted to be. And as I said, last week, I knew how to eat healthily. I know, I know exercise and so on. And yet it’s working with this online fitness coach with Hannah that I’ve been able to finally achieve these things that I did, I thought were outta my reach.
And, and it’s been so much easier. And again, so much more fun. So excuse me, I could [00:05:30] have done it alone maybe, but actually I think in this case, you know, if you’ve seen, if you’ve tried, if you go, you know what, I’m gonna read all these free resources and you know, in my case I have PDFs, I have videos go, or two, three now years almost of podcast episodes and no, actually three years. Yes. 19 20, 21. Yeah. Three actual three years, 200 episodes. Uh, so many workshops, resources and things. That’s just me. You can absorb that. And certainly if you’re at the beginning [00:06:00] of the journey, there is so much there. And if you’re super self motivated and focused and disciplined, and, and maybe you almost have all the pieces in place with just a couple of things, there is a lot you can achieve with that.
Right. And that’s great. However, if you haven’t been taking action, if you’ve been saying this again and again, every year going to you’ve had different calls with coaches, I have people, you know, and they’re like, I’m talking to, I had one guy said, I’m talking to 12 different coaches. Okay. If that’s what you want to do. Um, but you know, some say some, just talk to me. And then they say, oh no, I’m not quite ready and so on and [00:06:30] pulled back. And I hope even if they haven’t told me that I hope they have found another coach to work with. And I hope they have got the help and, or I hope that they have managed to do it themselves. But the truth is, again, if you haven’t, clearly you can’t, or you haven’t been able to, so why not try something differently? Right?
What got here, you here, won’t get you there now. Okay. Why can’t we just sort of use our people around us, right? Friends, family, they should be able to help us. The thing is when making big career changes, big life changes. [00:07:00] Our immediate friends, family might not be in a place where they can support for a few different reasons. They’re projecting their own fears and insecurities, right? They’re hopefully well intentioned, but they care about you. And so they’re worried about you taking risks and you know, doing things that, to them sound really scary. And are you sure about this? And the problem is, if you are not sure yourself, then you going to them with your insecurities and so on, that’s only going to be reinforced, right? So it’s really a vicious [00:07:30] cycle. You’ll worry them. They’ll reinforce your feels. You’ll feel, they’re not fears.
You’ll feel they’re not supporting you, et cetera. They might not know how to support you because they’ve never done it themselves. Most likely you’re in a comfort zone and a bubble of people who are similar to you. When I was in my corporate world, all my colleagues and friends were corporate. Now, fun enough. I have a hugely diverse network of people, right? Online, offline people do all sorts of different things, but I just didn’t have access to that kind of community at the time. And so, yes, of course, [00:08:00] friends and family have an important part to play in the many people I’ve worked with and, and interviewed, you know, often a partner or even parents might provide some financial support, certainly moral support. And so on. Once you’re a little bit further along and they will need to be on board at some point, but that doesn’t replace or, or avoid the need of having other kinds of support.
So if you need to think about, if you’re thinking of, okay, I don’t wanna do it alone. So what kind of support might I need now, again, friends and family. [00:08:30] I’m not saying turn your back at them. What I’ve said in the past to, to clients. And I say to you is try to incubate your ideas to some extent. So don’t tell anybody willynilly oh, this is what I’m gonna do. And then, then day you say, no, I’ve got this other idea. And, oh, I’ve changed my mind. Really keep it close to your heart until you’ve got some clarity and then begin to share with trusted confidence who believe in you, you trust and so on. Right? And of course with people who’ll be directly affected, say for example, a spouse, older children and so on. So by all means, uh, trust, [00:09:00] uh, confide in friends and family and use that those friends and family to cheer you on.
And if nothing else to disconnect from the stresses of, let’s say, starting a business and so on people who don’t understand anything about it are great for, for just disconnecting and having fun.
So apart from friends and family, then what else? Well, look for groups, look for communities. Obviously the last couple of years, it’s been more online. They’re offline groups, too. I have a preference for online because it means much more flexibility and, and options actually, because it means [00:09:30] I’ve been able to work with people all around the world. Right now, this idea of networking is bit uncomfortable for many of us, but it’s really not that gross. It’s it’s just about talking to people, having conversations. Hey, have you ever experienced this? Oh yeah, absolutely. It’s it’s something we all go through. This is what I found. Get that peer support people to cheer you on empathise, relate, celebrate with you.
That’s so important. So of course I have my one step at Facebook group escape in the nine to five. It’s called at the moment. Uh, I have, obviously [00:10:00] there are then paid mastermind groups. I’ve got my business accelerator. And so on. There might be a local group. I have a few clients recently who’ve chosen to work with really local groups in Ireland, in New Zealand to really have that specific or perhaps in your particular industry, right? That’s another source of, uh, support. Uh, there are, there are many amazing groups. There’s a Facebook group called doing it for the kids. And I say that knowing that Frankie who runs it is about to change it up and it’s not gonna be a free group anymore, but she’s built an incredible community. Um, there’s Jenny, who’s [00:10:30] created the incredible digital nomad girls and so on. There are some really fantastic communities.
There are freelancer groups. And again, I, I hope my group, uh, plays an important role for, and I know it has for, for at least some of you. And I hope those of you who aren’t there, who are active on Facebook would consider joining, but groups, communities that peer support is so important now. Okay. Friends, family, peers, accountability, partners, they could be friends. They could be peers in my accelerator. Again, we actually set people up if they want to, with [00:11:00] an accountability partner and those relationships, which has been the most amazing thing continue beyond. So even when people leave the accelerator, they continue checking in with each other, which is just incredible having, let’s say a gym buddy. I remember at uni, a friend and I wanted to, um, to, to go running. It didn’t quite work. And so me tell you why, but we agreed to go running together.
And unfortunately she text me in the evening saying, oh, uh, you know what, I’m too tired. I don’t wanna go. What I decided then was, okay, don’t text me, put a note on the [00:11:30] outside of your door. Because by then I will have got my, uh, running gear on. I will have come to her door. Then she says, sorry, I’m too tired, whatever. Oops, annoying. But I would’ve been out of my bed. Right. So I would’ve got out my bed and I would’ve gone for a run because I’m already up dressed. So that’s one way to use an accountability partner. I had another friend who told me to hide the sweets and she got really angry when I did that and I didn’t give them to her. So, you know, use this tool with caution, but a professional accountability buddy or partner can be really important.
And then finally, of course, there’s the, the mentor, the professional [00:12:00] coach guide expert. It could be for some really specific topic, like, okay, I really want to work on sales. I had a, a colleague I was talking to the other day who said, she’d referred someone to an anxiety coach as they were so nervous about making sales course. I worked very briefly with a video. I think she was an, an actress she talked about. And in fact saying this, I’m realising I’m hunched over at the desk kit, but she talked about, um, she worked with me on body language and connecting authentically with a camera [00:12:30] because I was just really sort of glazed over and awful all and, and uncomfortable on camera. So that was, you know, a couple of half hour sessions, one in person, one online, not at all expensive, but super affordable, but well worth the money.
Right? So it could be something really specific or it could be again like my business accelerator programme, for example, more, a broader sweep of, of providing that support. And, and on, as you might be familiar in my group, the five pillars of, of building that business that allows you to get the nine to five. So we [00:13:00] work on personal branding and business models and lead generation and all that kind of technical stuff. But we also work a lot on our mindset and overcoming fears and defining metrics for success and work life balance and so on. So finding the right mentors, coaches to fill the gaps, you know, it could again be a more comprehensive programme a to Z kind of end to end, or it could be a combination of fact. And again, several of my clients who are in those kind of, uh, broader groups will also then choose on top to work with specific [00:13:30] experts.
If there’s something really burning. And we also bring those in, we can bring guest speakers into the group. So friends and family, yes, absolutely. Both to try to cheer you on cheerleaders are really important. And also to help you disconnect groups, communities, accountability, partners, mentors, coaches, guides, experts, whatever you wanna call them, sounding boards and so on. Right? So those are some of the sources of support what you might need. So again, I know I was a bit cheeky, cuz this is not an actual question. People have asked me, but if [00:14:00] they were to ask me, I’d, I’d share. As I said at the beginning, the reason why we can’t do it alone is obviously mainly we haven’t been able to, there’s a reason I didn’t lose that weight or didn’t, uh, get into that fitness programme. There’s a reason why you haven’t done that thing that you’re meaning to do. We talked about last week, three of the reasons why that is and to have a listen to that episode as well. Um, but having the support is one of the biggest drivers, even if it’s just, [00:14:30] you know, not at even a professional mentor coach, but even if it’s just people who are checking in and supporting believing in you, that’s, you just cannot exaggerate how important that is. So with that, I leave you, I will see you next week for another interview, I believe. And I wish you the best of luck
With your goals. I hope you’re not doing alone.
And I hope if you are, then you’re crushing it because I’m sure you are as well. But I appreciate that you’re listening to this podcast episode. So you’re obviously investing [00:15:00] in time in your learning and in growing as an individual and as a business owner. So thank you for your trust. Thank you for your time today. And I’ll see you next week. bye for now,
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