Episode 312 Creating and Upholding Boundaries During Career Transitions

In this week’s episode, Anna argues for the crucial act of setting non-negotiable boundaries in our professional and personal lives. She explores the importance of having clear criteria for what is essential, particularly during pivotal career moments, such as transitioning from corporate life to self-employment. Anna shares anecdotes, including her own experiences, to highlight the complexities and realities of maintaining boundaries. She offers practical advice on how to identify your non-negotiables, the delicate balance of flexibility within those boundaries, and effective communication strategies to ensure they are respected. Tune in to discover how clear boundaries can lead to more confident decisionmaking and more fulfilling work-life integration.

*Resources mentioned during the episode*
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Non negotiable work boundaries

There is and has been a lot of talk about boundaries from me, from many other people. And in this context, one of the things that has really helped me and people I’ve worked with is the nuance of having non negotiable boundaries. So having clear criteria as to what is important to you, what’s perhaps more nice to have, and what really are your set in stone, clear, non negotiable boundaries. And these types of non negotiables are so important, in particular at key moments of career pivots, perhaps going from corporate to working for yourself, taking on new clients in your business, whatever that pivotal moment when you’re shifting into a new area might look like, it’s really, really valuable to be clear on what your negotiables and what your non negotiables might be. And so if we take a step back for a moment, the idea of setting boundaries is so obvious almost, that it almost doesn’t require talking about anymore. But I think it definitely does because most of us still aren’t putting them in place. And that’s no judgement, that’s just the reality. Unfortunately, it’s what I see in my friends, in my parent groups, in clients and so on.

And I hold my hand up here to be fully transparent and vulnerable, as is always recommended, or maybe not always, but if I am in a situation where I am considering a new client or having a conversation with someone, you know, if it’s a matter of either having the money coming in or not, most of us are not in a position where we would happily go, oh, no worries. I’m so financially secure and free that I simply will not in any way compromise on my boundaries. I shall never reply to email after this time. I shall never work on this day or whatever it is, never work with this kind of organisation. Right? It’s a nice little world of rainbows and unicorns, as I like to call it these days. But that is far from the reality, I think of how most of us live. Funnily enough, if I can say funnily enough, one of my clients that I work with, who I love, sent me an email about a possible job that came in on a Sunday. I checked it, I thought, yeah, I’m available, but I’m going to have that firm boundary.

I’m not going to reply. I’m going to cheque my calendar properly when I’m at my computer to make sure and then reply. I then didn’t reply on the Monday and on the Tuesday. When I realised this, the opportunity had already gone and gone to someone else because there was a 24 hours window. Now, this amazing client, who I love, has already changed their process now so that it no longer does that kind of quick turnaround over the weekend. But anyway, that, of course, is based on my particular working pattern of Monday to Friday. For all my talk of going beyond the nine to five and so on, the world still very much operates on a Monday to Friday, nine to five, as mainstream. And so, you know, expecting someone to reply on a Sunday is generally not something.

I think that would be something that we want to push. But that was just a tiny anecdote of where, you know, my actual non negotiable boundary. It’s not even that non negotiable, because, let’s be honest, it doesn’t take that much energy to reply to an email or just cheque something. Two minutes led to me not getting that particular project right now. It wasn’t millions we’re talking about, there’ll be other opportunities. But that particular opportunity was gone because I didn’t reply to an email on Sunday. So all that to say that I feel you, I hear you, if someone comes along is like, oh, can you do this thing? And it’s, you know, right after the holidays, or it’s during the holidays, or it’s at the weekend, or, you know, lots of travel or really early or even less than you want to get paid and so on, then it is hard to say no. But I would still encourage you to consider saying no if we take a step back and look at these non negotiables, if you have real clarity on what matters to you, your values from a big picture perspective, your certain things, your particular family situation will dictate your priorities, being clear on what matters to you at this phase of your life and career and business and so on, that will really help to serve as a foundation for making decisions, and making decisions with clarity and confidence.

And I talked last week about, you know, the reliance on other people to tell us if I should do this or not. I’m in communities and we’re always, you know, we’re creating proposals, and then someone’s always saying, oh, what should I charge? How should I do this? And we look to others again for that information. It doesn’t matter if someone charged 10,000 for a workshop, someone else 50 and someone else 500. What matters is what you’re going to put based on so many factors, including your needs and parameters, your experience, your confidence, the client, etcetera, etcetera. Right? And so knowing and trusting your own intuition, again, is so, so important here and having those clear parameters. And I keep talking about money because that’s one of the key factors and one of the sort of sensitive areas, I suppose will really, really help if we look at some of the examples of those pivotal moments that I mentioned when I have worked with people who are transitioning out of corporate or considering transitioning out of corporate into working for themselves. One of the huge elephants in the room, if it even is an elephant, because we all know and talk about it, is the salary. And there is, in the previous episode was on the extremes of the black and white, either.

I have this high stable salary over here in my job, Orlando, I’m living on a bench over here, feeling free, but you know, I can’t put food on the table, right? The reality is there are so many versions, nuances, constellations in between those two extremes. But for that person contemplating moving out, especially if they have kids in private schools, and obviously a lifestyle that we’ve built around a particular salary, then we need to be clear. And I always encourage you to sit down and really look at the numbers. What is the minimum you need to pay the bills? But more than that, let’s be comfortable about it. Not just minimum, but really what is it you want to earn, right? And you can have an aspirational figure, you can try to match your corporate salary, you can go even higher if you’re not earning enough. You feel you can go lower if you feel actually I’m earning too much, I’d rather have more flexibility and less money, that’s fine, you know, but knowing those numbers will really, really help. So what are the income requirements? You have to sustain your lifestyle, not just to survive on a bare minimum, but actually to live comfortably, to go on the holidays. You want to have the comfort that you want, right? You might also consider, how many hours do you want to work per week, per month? Per year? What kind of times do you want to work in? Just like an organisation will have core hours.

If you have your own business, you get to decide then what your core hours are. Maybe your non negotiables are that, you know, you work, let’s say, and I’m making this up, eleven till three, or I’m trying to think of school things now, because that’s the world I’m in, let’s say ten till two, Monday to Thursday. Those are your sort of. Yeah, definitely. That’s when I’m available. Everything else is kind of flexible. You might start earlier, you might finish later, or the other way around. You can say, I will never work.

And then you block your calendar physically, technically, you know, Friday afternoons. There was the thing in the UK about Keir Starmer saying during the election that he wouldn’t work Friday evenings after six and it was such a hullabaloo. How dare he not sometimes work late into the night? But anyway, so the hours that you will or won’t work, is there a type of work you’ll refuse to do, even if it’s lucrative? What are the commitments, above all, to yourself? I would say to your family, to your health, to your personal time that are non negotiable for you. Right, so a lot of these can be really, really tangible in terms of money, hours. Some can be a bit less tangible in terms of values and types of organisation and people you’re working with. And those things. Some things could be to do with travel and not travel. Certain, I don’t know, cultures and distances and industries, right.

So really having the self awareness to know your values, have those be the guiding light, as always, your parameters for your lifestyle, for your family, for yourself and what really matters. And I’ve had an episode before, I’m sure, many years ago, because one of my first bosses back in my corporate days told me to have clear criteria for my next job. So if you’re considering, and I mentioned they’re going from corporate to working for yourself, but likewise, if you’re considering a different role in corporate, having really clear criteria on. Okay, the first thing, the top, top thing is that I want to have the flexibility for my family. Well, in that case, you may or you may not have be happy to compromise on salary or industry or whatever it is, right. Not getting that promotion. For many of us in my phase of life, flexibility is paramount. So that, you know, as long as you’re earning above a certain amount again, and that requires knowing your numbers, then that becomes a non negotiable.

It has to be flexible. You have to be able to work from home, you have to be able to go and be with your kids if they’re sick or whatever. And that’s. And I’m sorry I keep talking about that, but that’s because that’s the world I’m in. And the parents I see, right. Totally up to you what yours are the danger when you don’t have those enforced parameters because of kids, let’s say, are that. And now, as I did pre kids as well, is that I could work anytime, anywhere, and I could because I was passionate about it, I could sort of justify that. But I love my work so much that of course I can work all the time and it’s fine for me.

And that’s, I think, a bit of a dangerous territory. We can have seasons and periods where we do work that way, but it’s not sustainable long term. Right? So that’s really, really important to have the self awareness to know at this phase of your life, this season going forwards and now what are the priorities, and that can and will change. Having said all that, on non negotiables, there needs to be some flexibility, because, as I said, the reality is not that we live in this world where I can say no, under no circumstance shall I ever do this thing and then be done with it. Right? There is a price at which I would go, yep, sure, no problem. I’m sorry, I’m gonna sell my soul. That’s no problem. And maybe you’re a better person than I am, but most of us have some level of flexibility as to what we’ll put up with in the interest of some greater good, perhaps, or some other thing.

Sometimes money, sometimes time. Whatever it is, if I’m able to earn a load over here, that means that I can do more pro bono over there. Or if I can work really intensively this one or two week period here, then I can take time off over there, right? So it’s always a bit of a give and take. I don’t like the word compromise because it’s so negative, but there’s certainly a bit of ebbing and flowing up and down. There’s a rhythm to it. So there’s an element of flexibility and having flexible non negotiables. Right, boundaries that are firm but can bend when necessary. In a job working a late night.

Occasionally, if it’s a project where the deadline is urgent, we’re all passionate about this. It’s so exciting. It’s an exceptional circumstance. By all means. If it becomes a rule that that’s expected, that’s a bit of a red flag for me. So really thinking about how we can balance flexibility with integrity to our boundaries. So, number one, clarity on what the boundaries are, what those non negotiables are. Number two, being aware of, sensitive to where that flexibility might be, and it might be quite case by case, right, when it comes along, then of course you need to communicate those boundaries assertively to clients, to employers, and even to family members.So we need to set expectations with new clients about our work hours or the scope of work. We might need to discuss boundaries with family members to make sure they respect our work time. Right. Talk to our boss. Hopefully we can have those open conversations or with our direct reports and teams as well, obviously balancing as ever, being clear and assessive with being respectful, polite and I, you know, a team player and all those things. So having the clarity on what is non negotiable for you, having that willingness to be flexible in exceptional circumstances and to weigh things up, it’s never going to be that black and white, as we know, communicating those non negotiables and above all, really being assertive and communicating them again and again. And I’m sorry, it’s frustrating to have to do that, but they will be questioned. I have always found that people respect them.

To be honest, most people aren’t paying attention. They might be a bit like, I can’t believe she didn’t reply to that. In a moment. Within a second, they’re gone and they think about something else. Right. So we worry much more about these things than other people do. In fact, I have found that people will respect you and your boundaries way more than you might think. Okay, so I realise I’ve ranted at you, as ever, about this topic, and I hope there have been interesting nuggets for you in terms of really tangible takeaway.

Why don’t you have a go just now writing down, what are the three non negotiables for you in your work and life? And I’ve given you some examples. It can be days, hours. You’re working, not working. It could be time, it could be, you know, never using my phone when I’m at dinner with my partner, with my family. It could be something like always having a date night. But that one is an example where I think perhaps it could be flexible. If there’s something else going on, it could be income related, you know, it could be very tangible, it could be a bit more subjective and fluid, but have a go at writing down two or three non negotiables and then, you know, share them with a trusted friend, share them with someone who can help you hold yourself accountable. And perhaps that’s a good support structure that if ever you find that you’re tempted to say yes to a project or a client and then just run it through that philtre yourself, if you can, but otherwise cheque in with your peer group, your support group, to make sure that you’re, you know, they’re helping you go, no, hang on, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Totally worth it, or no way, Jose, you should say no. Again, anecdotally, I can share personally and from clients and colleagues that when they have stood firm. Not always. So don’t hold me accountable if it goes wrong for you. But most of the time, many times more than we expect clients have gone. Okay, fine then, right, they have moved the thing or they have paid what you asked or they have agreed to not do the Sunday or whatever it is, right? So unless you know what your boundary is, unless you communicate that boundary, you’re not giving anyone the chance to say yes or no. And that’s their choice. But it’s your choice to know what your non negotiables are and to communicate those and to stand firm or be flexible.

Okay, so what are your non negotiables? How can you communicate them and how are you going to hold yourself accountable to sticking with those unless you choose to be flexible? Bit of a nuanced discussion as ever. Looking forward to your thoughts on this one. Hope it helps. And I’ll see you next week. Bye for now.

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