Ep. 390 Why you’re still taking on the wrong clients (and how to stop)

Estimated reading time: 9 minutes

A few years into your business, you have enough clients, enough experience, and enough reputation to be selective – and yet somehow you still end up working with people who aren’t quite right, doing work that isn’t quite what you want. Anna Lundberg unpacks exactly why this keeps happening and what to do about it.

Key moments

[00:00] Introduction – Why the wrong client problem isn’t a beginner problem

[01:18] Reason one – Your client filter has drifted without you noticing

[03:05] The consultant example – When past positioning keeps pulling you back

[03:31] Reason two – Obligation dressed up as opportunity

[04:38] The key question to ask before saying yes to any referral

[04:47] Reason three – No real filter at the point of inquiry

[06:34] Why the call is doing the work of a filter it was never designed to do

[07:22] The pattern underneath – Default, obligation, and inertia

[08:02] How to get honest about who you actually want to work with now

[09:14] Designing a filter into your process before the call

[10:43] The cost of saying no vs the cost of not saying no

[12:27] Having the conversation earlier rather than later

Key resources

• Access the free diagnostic: Get clear on who you’re best placed to work with and where your business model might need a rethink. 10 minutes, personalised report, specific next steps. Find it at onestepoutside.com/diagnostic
• Book a free call with Anna: onestepoutside.com/call

Taking on the wrong clients

Here’s the reality – everyone has them. The client that felt slightly off from the start, but you said yes anyway. The project that drifted far from what you originally agreed. The relationship that’s been running on inertia for longer than it should.

And this isn’t a beginner problem. When we’re starting out, we say yes to everyone, and that’s fine – we need the money, we need the experience, we don’t yet know who our ideal client is. The more interesting question is why we still do that when we’re more established.

So you have enough clients, enough experience, and enough reputation to be selective – and still end up with the wrong ones. That’s not desperation. It’s something much more subtle than that.

Reason one: your client filter has drifted

I think there are a few reasons why you might take on the wrong clients. The first is that the filter drifted without you actually noticing. When you started out a few years ago, maybe you had an ideal client in mind – you wrote it down, maybe it was just a feeling. And over time, the business has evolved. Your expertise has deepened, your positioning has shifted, and the kind of work you want to do has changed. But the filter hasn’t kept up. So you’re still saying yes to the profile that made sense three years ago, five years ago – and it’s not the one that makes sense now.

If you’re a consultant who built your reputation in one sector, spent years getting known there, and is now exhausted by it – she wants to move into adjacent work, but every new inquiry comes from the old sector, because that’s what her positioning, her network, and her past work signals. So she keeps saying yes, because the money is good and the client is familiar, and the business keeps pulling her in a direction she’s trying to leave. The filter isn’t wrong because you made a mistake. It’s wrong because you changed, but the filter didn’t.

Reason two: obligation dressed up as opportunity

Let’s say a long-term client asks for something outside your usual scope. A warm referral comes in from someone you respect. Someone you like personally wants to work with you. None of these are bad things, but none of them are reasons to say yes to work that isn’t right.

What can happen is the relationship, the loyalty, the not wanting to disappoint someone, overrides the honest assessment of whether this is actually a good fit. So you say yes, of course you do. You’re a lovely person. You deliver. You resent it slightly. You tell yourself it’s a one-off, just to help this person out. But it rarely is.

The question to ask before saying yes – especially to a referral or an existing client extension – is: if this came in cold from someone I didn’t know, would I want it? There’s something happening here that panders a little to our ego. It’s not desperation exactly, but it’s still – oh, they want us, they know us, they respect us. And we allow that to pull us in a direction we don’t actually want to go. That’s fine if you choose to say yes, but be aware you’re choosing it because of the relationship, not because it’s the right direction for your business.

Reason three: no real filter at the point of inquiry

The third thing that might be happening is that you don’t even have a filter at the point of inquiry. A lot of really well-established solopreneurs and experts don’t have a genuine qualification process. Because it’s referrals and word of mouth, it’s a fluid, generous process – someone expresses interest, you have a call, you like them, you send a proposal. But the call is doing the work of a filter without being designed to be one.

By the time you’re on a call with someone, you’re already invested – they’ve given you their time and you’ve given them yours. Saying no at that point feels awkward. So the filter needs to happen before the call. What needs to be true – about their situation, their budget, their stage, their problem – for this to be worth either of your time? If you can’t answer that clearly, you don’t have a filter. You’re just giving people direct access to your calendar.

If someone doesn’t have the budget, or doesn’t even see the need, maybe just checking that before the call makes sense. If you’ve got time on your hands, by all means be generous. But if you’re busy with delivery and wanting to grow within limited hours alongside family and everything else, you can’t take every exploratory call just to see where it leads.

The pattern underneath: default, obligation, and inertia

The pattern underneath all three of these is the same. The decision is being made by default, by obligation, or by inertia. It’s not active choice. You’re not intentionally choosing to work with this client.

The wrong client rarely feels obviously wrong at the point of saying yes. It feels fine, or good enough, or it would be awkward to say no. It’s only in delivery – when scope creeps, when the dynamic feels off, when you’re doing work you don’t want to be doing – that you start to recognise it. And by then, you’re committed.

I’ve thought about this a lot, and whenever I’ve regretted or resented a project or a client relationship, I’ve always been able to trace it back to an inkling I had earlier on. I just chose not to listen to it. By now, you have an understanding of with whom you can do your best work, who will respect your boundaries, who will be a good client. You really should listen to that.

How to build a client filter that actually works

The first step is to get honest about who you actually want to work with now – not who you wanted to work with years ago. It’s not really a branding exercise. It’s an honest internal conversation. Ask yourself what the work feels like when it’s going really well, and who the client is in those situations. What’s true about the project, the dynamic, the scope, that really lights you up? Build your filter from that, not from some abstract ideal client profile on a piece of paper. By now, you have experience. You know what works and what doesn’t.

Then design that filter into your process before the call. Whether it’s an application form, a questionnaire, or even just a really clear statement on your website about who this is and isn’t for. For my Offscript community, I have a form – not because I’m being exclusive for the sake of it, but because I want to make sure it’s the right fit for the community and the right fit for them. For one-to-one work, I definitely want a call, but I want people to arrive at that call already knowing it’s likely to be a good fit. Don’t pretend to be exclusive. But do make sure it works for both of you.

The cost of saying no vs the cost of not saying no

You also need to be comfortable with the cost of saying no, as well as the cost of not saying no. My favourite Brené Brown quote: choose discomfort over resentment. Saying no to the wrong client is uncomfortable in the moment. There’s a short-term cost – the awkward conversation, the lost revenue, the uncertainty about what comes next. But not saying no has a longer-term cost that’s arguably even worse. Time and energy spent on work that isn’t right, capacity that isn’t available for the work you actually want to do, and a business that keeps pulling you in a direction you’re trying to leave. Most people are very aware of the first cost. We systematically underestimate the second.

Have the conversation earlier rather than later

And finally – if a client relationship has already drifted, if scope has expanded, the dynamic has shifted, the work has moved away from what you want to be doing, have that conversation earlier rather than later. It only gets harder the longer you leave it. It doesn’t have to be dramatic. Something as simple as: hey, I want to make sure we’re still set up in the right way for where both of us are right now. This is what I’m seeing. Here’s what I’d like to change. How would that work for you? Most clients will respond better than you expect. And the ones who don’t – well, that’s useful information too.

You are the boss here. You do get to decide this. If not for the current clients, certainly for the next one.

If this episode resonated and you want a clearer picture of where your business actually is right now – what’s working, what’s running on autopilot, and where the real leverage is – I built a free solopreneur diagnostic. You can get that at onestepoutside.com/diagnostic. Ten minutes, personalised report, specific next steps.