Episode 305 Summer Reflection: De-risking Big Life Decisions

*Resources mentioned during the episode*
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De-risking big life decisions

It is back to school time. And I have always thought this time of year, September in the UK, is back to school time. And that was, of course, from years of conditioning, being at school, years of not being at school, not having children at school, and now it’ll be my second year of having a child at school. So it is forever, I think, ingrained in my brain as like, the start of the year. If nothing else, it is the end of the summer period and the end of my little series that I’ve done for you on reflecting and thinking about what you want from your career, from your life, what you’re going to be focusing on, going forwards. And last week I asked you, what’s the one thing that will make you most proud at the end of this year? And what’s one action you can take towards that goal? And I hope that has uncovered something very tangible that you can focus on. However, the bigger question is, how can you not forget about all these great ideas and things that you’ve had? Right? I have so many notebooks full of ideas and some are better than others, but it’s quite sad if they get lost along the way and you just get back into the busyness and the drudgery of day to day life and forget about all those great ideas that you had, whether it was new habits you wanted to implement or hobbies you wanted to start or whatever it was. Right? So I’d really encourage you to listen back to the last few episodes, of course, look over your notes, if you have been taking notes over the past month and really think about, okay, what are the most important insights? What are the patterns across these questions I’ve been asking you? And, of course, turning these insights into action.

How can you take small steps to implement some or more of these ideas now, but also in the future? Right? So how can you not lose them? Do you put them on a whiteboard somewhere or, you know, into your notebook, by all means, to come back at it later and maybe you want to, you know, as an example, to give something tangible. Earlier this year, I realised I’d been saying for years, oh, I want to do more speaking. It’s so easy to say, you know, in the past I’ve said, oh, I want to be a writer and not done any writing, and I’ve said, now I want to do more speaking and not done any speaking. And I just decided, hey, I want to do more speaking. So I joined a programme for speakers who want to do more speaking. Easy peasy. It’s not always about investing in a programme. But sometimes you need to put your money where your mouth is, invest your time and money, join a group, find a mentor to support you.

So if that’s you, obviously, if it’s in my domain, I’d love you to reach out and talk to me and see how I can support you or whatever it is that you’ve identified. How can you get a personal trainer to help you with your fitness goals? Or, you know, a, what else could there be? I don’t know, a horse riding instructor to help you with the horse riding, a language teacher who can teach you on Zoom, who knows what your goal is, right? But really look for the support to help you. So listen back, find patterns, find the insights and get support if needed. But one angle I want to talk to you about is how can you de risk your big decisions, right? If you have kind of made a decision that felt, you felt very emboldened over the summer period, and you’re like, yeah, I’ll definitely do that, I’ll quit this, I’ll start that, and this is what I’m going to do. Boom. It’s very easy to crawl back, understandably, into your comfort zone when you come back into your normal surroundings, normal people, you know, day to day life. And so a few questions for you here. I want you to really think about, you know, what is the risk that you’re afraid of? And I’ve got a few examples for you.

So first, if your concern is, what if I get this wrong? What if I make the wrong decision? Right, I make a mistake, this is not what I really want to be doing, or I get it wrong. If that’s the risk you’re afraid of, then you know what? You don’t have to rush into this. Take the time. Take time to explore, test, try it out before going all in. You don’t have to invest in a two year qualification. You don’t have to hand in your resignation to your job tomorrow, you don’t have to divorce your partner today. You know, take the time to test and explore, probe if this really is the right decision for you. So that’s the first risk.

If you’re worrying about getting it wrong, then by all means, don’t take it immediately. I’m not saying, hey, let’s now have permission to postpone this indefinitely, but at least have a plan in place. Be intentional about deciding if it really is what you want to pursue or not. The second risk, perhaps, is what will other people think? And you may have this as sort of a conscious concern, or it may be more subconscious. But what if people will judge me for giving up this amazing job to do this, or again, to separating with my partner, or giving this up, or doing that, or changing something, right. Not following the typical conventional path of success. What will other people think? It might be that you’re projecting this onto others, or it might be that you’re hearing these opinions from parents, partners, society. Right.

Whatever the case, I always encourage people to incubate. Meaning, don’t share with every person willy nilly, I love that expression. And allow them to criticise and push you down. Right? Incubate. Protect your ideas, share them only with a few chosen ones who believe in you and who will lift you up. And you know, once you are feeling confident and clear that, yes, this is the path, and yes, I know I can do this and I’m on the right track, then you can begin to share more broadly. And even so, you get to choose who you share with when you’re feeling more confident and clear. And then you can really hold your own when someone attacks you.

You can set the boundary and you can be clear, no, this is what I’m doing. Hey. Basta. And then finally, what if I’m not good enough? What if I fail? What if I’m, you know, I’m just being. I’m fooling myself into thinking that I could possibly achieve this thing. Well, this is perhaps the harder one, but also, in a way, an easier one. And one approach is list all the reasons why you can do this. So go back into your past, write all the reasons why you have, of things that you’ve actually done.

First of all, highlights, achievements, things people have said, reasons why you’re choosing to do this thing. And you know what? If there is a gap, then you can still learn more. Of course, you will learn more. You will get better, you can invest in training, you’ll get more experience, etcetera. Right? But there is a reason why you want to do this thing. You are the right person to do it. So let’s explore those reasons. Create like a confidence jar where you put all the compliments that people have given you and write all the reasons why you are amazing.

Put it on a board in your room, put it in a jar, put it in your wallet, whatever helps you. So we’re trying to de risk your big decisions. Take the time to explore. You don’t have to leap the first day. Incubate. Protect your ideas from other people, certainly others who are likely to have a stake in you not making that decision, or perhaps project their own fears onto you and work on building your confidence. Confidence comes with action. Clarity comes with action.

So part of it is going to be just slightly getting out of your comfort zone, sometimes a lot getting out of your comfort zone and taking the risk, and then the confidence and the clarity will kind of follow. Okay. So again, look back over your notes. See which insights you want to take with you. What are the questions that are still remaining? Because I’m sure there are many. And see how you want to take this forward. But above all, try not to let these great ideas and kind of commitments go. Find a way to bring them back into your life as we return now into what could be normal, what might not be normal for you for much longer.

Okay. See you next week.

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